She's not there

The skip, the bounce, once upon a time, she came along

She would smile, she would look good, she would do it all

I see, she sees, we both see, but never do we talk

What is it that I want, what is it that she would want?

I could whisper, she would listen, but can it all happen?

The love, the air, the sound, and what matters not, does

This is how it ends, things that never began,

She and I, would be together, but never can!

Everything is beautiful now

kya zamana aa gaya hai, pehle doosroon se, ab khud se baatain kartain hain

yunhi chala jaa raha hai silsila, phele din thay, ab raatain ginna kartay hain

soochnay pe bhi na soocha, ke kaal aey ya na aey, kaun rookay ga issay?

aaj jo tha, kaal woh kaal tha, kaisay baatoon may sulja'ain issay?

choortay choortay kuch aisi batain choor aey - kahan se lain unhain?

bas ab toh jab bhi aagay bartay hain, lamha lamha yaad rakhtay hain

ab suraj niklay ya na niklay, umeedoon per ka'aym rahtay hain

jo sooch lena, ke ab karna zaroori, kaisay bhi kar latay hain

... bas aisay hee ab hum zindagi, hastay hastay, guzar latay hain!

Life

To cause a ripple in water is to live,

but to keep it in motion forever, is life

Congrats Z & Ducks

It all happened, and two became one in the middle of ...

Ages old engagement, three years to precision,

Pink bridal shower invitation, countless Dholkies, and Maiyoon too?
Rehearsals, food, no rehersals, but still food!

Groom Vs Bride became the banner on Mehndi, fooooodd!
Fake bride to dance war, Tamil dance and Paanwalay,
He danced and she danced; to end the night, came Barat

Drumrolls got the heart pounding, grip became tight
He entered while she whispered, 'I can't do this'
Shaadiwala got everyone saying 'Qabool hai, Qabool hai, & Qabool hai'

Bride family's musical entry, Maskeen Parveen till Kurta Phaar Ke,
Jeetu's sword, Groom's missing shoes, do I hear 500 cash?
Rasmay, speeches for bride, and guess what, ... food!

Everyone cried, some a little too much, is that Rolls-Royce?
Dhoti-wala and Khan baba arrived at Walima,
While newly married raced their way in at top speed,

Skit gone wrong, Award ceremony, Questionary shoe-game
Speeches for Groom, gorgeous cake, and some more food.
Pictures, Dances, Jokes, new friends, and a lot more!

Soon it came to an end, for it, to all begin,
Happily married, Sarah&Zishan!

- VICKY -

I, the King!

'O the Great One, the All-Mighty, the Lord of all worlds,

I beseech You, only You,

Make me a great man, for when the day comes that I repose forever,

A whole nation of kingdom mourn for my demise, for

You are the Most-Rewarding, the Very-Grateful.'

Bored?

People who observe boredom are people who

fail to envision beyond actual view

Dream

And the first time her eyes meet yours,
You realize, right then;
'A dream should always remain a dream, because
When it becomes a reality, it's beyond your reach'.

It shattered you from inside knowing that the dream
You had the hunger for, that girl, stood right in front of you,
But now, the hunger's gone, because it showed you the face of reality,
That you are nothing in front of her, ... just nothing!

She walks by you, and you feel as if everything is amiss,
Is it you, or the dream, or is it you, in the dream?
Or if she taps you on your shoulder, behind you,
You turn, and she asks, stunned, "Am I your dream?"

You knew it wasn't possible, you knew it was a dream
But when you closed your eyes, and opened them again
You saw that you're still there, and then you knew,
That you just met your dream, so real, so true, but alas!

... She's beyond you.

Battle

They stood, few yards away, facing each other. A single drop of rain dripping from the tip of their hair would take, as if eternity, to reach the surface. As it surges down, towards destination, everything around that held voice to itself would hold in place; the sound of rain, thunder, and water would embrace silence and wait till the drop fell plop onto the surface.

Until then, they would both stare, each other, eye to eye, through the dark rain. It pour heavily in numb quietness, street lamp's lone twilight would torch the centre stage where they both awaited the undesired combat. One clinging to a firm bulky chain in his right hand, while his adversary, held grip to a solid shiny rod that would glint as the water kissed its way by it.

As the drop collapse to surface, it begins - till one fizzle out forever. Plop!

Backseat Window

I remember way back when my dad would be the designated driver and my mom accompanying him at front, while the three of us siblings would be uttered to take the backseat. Brother and I would adeptly play 'older people get the window seat' ploy and peg our little sister in the uncomfy middle seat. We were loving siblings though.

That window meant a world to us, we'd take our seats and start looking out the window, like watching television. Our sister would get to share the window with both, me and brother, shifting from him to me, vice versa, to catch the best view. She'd lay her head on our shoulder like an angelic child and pretend to love one more than the other, depending on which side she'd want to catch a glimpse of.

Now I think of it, that window was more than a television screen - it was like an abbreviation, of life. We'd see a certain something out the window and as the car rolled on, that particular sight would budge back eventually unfolding a new set of reel. No matter how hard we tried to catch another glimpse of what we just saw, we never actually earned a second view. If we forced to look back the window, we'd miss the next sight, and on. Sometimes, it'd be something humorous, and sometimes, saddening - but it changed everytime. We'd wait, staring outside the window, for another moment, hoping for a better sight.

That window was our little world, packed with various moments of life, in frames. Those leisure car trips were priceless but they made all three of us realize how life always has another moment to come by, happy or sad, but it'll come, it'll change, and it'll be something new.

I miss that window.

The Other Side

"I hate you ever so much for being just like me - maybe if you were different ... we could have been together"

Jay: I hate her man. She's so much like ... like ...

Danish: ... like you.

Jay: Yeah, yeah! I mean, I'm someone who she is, ... too!

Danish: ... and?

Jay: And I like being who I am. It's just that, to be with someone, just like me is ... is like having no fights, no disagreeing, no arguments? Like its just ...

Danish: Like its just living a life on one side of a road, and not knowing what's on the other side? Or looking yourself in a mirror and knowing that it's just a mere reflection of you? Maybe you want to cross the road, and instead of a mirror, you'd want to see ... see through a glass, or a window?

Jay: Yeah, a window. Where I see her - that girl, who's on the otherside of a place which I don't know about and I at a place, where she's never been at. And then we spend the rest of our lives trying to live between these two worlds and living a life that is complete. It's like as they say, 'the better half of you' - or, 'the other half of you' because they see the other half, or the other side, that you don't know about.

Danish: So what about this girl, the one who actually exist in your life, and who's someone just like you?

Jay: Her ... there's something inside of me that wants to be with her, but at the same time I don't want to be with her. Because I don't want to stand on one ... one side of a glass. I just don't know why I fell for her, and it kills me every minute because I don't want to be with her, but I just can't leave her.

Danish: So then?

Jay: So I don't know, it's like, I like it when I see her, I like her, and maybe I wanna be with her but knowing that she is someone who is me?! I ... Danish, I just don't want to spend rest of my life standing in front of a mirror. I can't sleep man, I can't just ... I don't ... daaaaaah! I don't know what I'm doing, and I wanna cry but I can't ... I just, I can't do anything man - nothing. Nothing man!



He was crying, I could see it in him. He was right where we all are, at times. He simply didn't know what he was doing, or intended to do - and I couldn't tell him anything more. But he's happy today, because he saw that other world in her, that same girl - and he realized that we all have a different world of our own. She was, that girl on the other side of the road. She was, his other half. She was, who completes his world.

Think ...

What is true, may not always be seen, but

What is unseen, may not always be true

The End ...

He stepped on the muddy off-road strolling his buggy as no man was visible at the running hour - he, all by himself. The murky fog swooping down the path, buried sun under the clouds, waning brisk breeze, and birds chanting as he staggered along to work. His almost-stainless slippers grating along the roughed road, as he kept going.

He wore white, a dhoti with his sleeveless shirt - pale white, laundered. His eyes, clear, certain, glaring straight at half-shrouded-fog path. He would carry on pulling his buggy as his senile feet kept him moving, which he did everyday, every morning, for the past eighteen years. He felt that first sweat on his forehead, as he slowed down, and stopped. He sagged down on his knees, resting his head with the buggy - as he never moved again. He fell a sleep forever, on that very path.

They say he was 82, a highly well-educated man, and probably the smartest flavoured-juice seller ever to have stepped on earth. They called him Ba Alim Sherbutwala (Wise Father, Flavoured-juice seller)

- The Wise Man

He, the bygone

" ... 'love' is a snarled up word itself that has countless interpretations to satisfy countless set of minds. The word itself is flawed; and something that has an infirm foundation is feckless. Though I'm not holding anyone responsible here. Anyhow, going with the notion of love at first sight, *smiles* - it's not a great platform to disclose my lovelife but ...

We stumbled across unexpectedly, and out of a crowd of 12 - 14 she was the one; not because she was the prettiest of 'em all, but 'cause she had a blend of originality and pretense at the same time. The way she talked, the way she carried herself, the way she did everything was something ...

Second time I bumped into her was after a gap of one year, and again it all started from scratch and from then on it was an up curve. The day I layed my eyes on her, till now, I have always liked her. She's been an extremely amazing person.

Anyhow, she was older than me, a year or so, and got married, but of course, not to me. I liked her; I didn't love her, not that I can't breath without her, not that I cried for her. She was just the best girl I ever met.

I know her for years now - and you know,

She's not the girl I dreamed of, but
She's probably the girl I wish I dreamt of.
Sometimes reality could be
A much more pleasant feeling than dreams.
You call this a love experience or anything you desire;

I call it a 'timeless feeling' -
Something that happened but didn't ever exist."

- He, the bygone -

There's more to life than just running around for that 'someone special'.

Pictures

Artwork By: Fabian Perez

Provided By: Ataraxia

I parked my car across Mr. Wright's apartment building and waited. There wasn't much left to do, but eye at his apartment - and wait. Well-suited was not my way of spending the night in a '91 Civic - though I had my coat off and cozied up my collar shirt, but still uncomfortable. It was like back in school when nap was always welcomed even in uniform; though things changed after years. I loved being a little girl, it made me do everything without having to ponder about the consequences.

Night was dark but shades of orange twilight were evident. I loved the quiet silent night right from the day when fear of darkness vanished from inside of me. Even the slightest of move created a blatant sound. I lowered the window and lit a cigarette. I've always smoked for occassions and the moment was swell enough. Soon I started taking big puffs and in no time vision in front of me got smokey.

I stared right through it at the dark sky, the whirl smoke, I felt as being soothe into the wormhole of past-shuddersome-memories. Rise of trance-optic tunes somewhere in my Cerebral Cortex and soon flashy flicks of, once shrouded past, were all that I was dwelled on into. They flashed, flashed and flashed - faster, faster and faster; and 'tuk' as mere drop of pin just brought me back. That numbness was there, I could shiver, with a sweaty forehead. I didn't blink, frightened to close my eyes even for a bit; paralyzed!

It was not the pin that dropped. It was her - the Lady in Black, who impetuously came storming through the bar door which was endlessly creating a racking sound as it slammed back and forth assisted by the wind.

She grubbed a cigarette pack from her purse and pulled one out. Took a lighter, lit it up and with a draggy gait leaned against the cornered side-wall of the street. She was, as if, a bloom in the misty night and a cynosure of everything around her. I kept looking at her as she looked at the silent dead street with great pursuit. Then I realized that she was actually where I am, ...

We were there. Nowhere! She kept looking at the street, and I at her, without a sight of purpose. I finally knew what it was like to be empty - oblivious of all senses. It was an unfathomable truth of life that we are all - mere pictures!

Grue

Life was green then, blue now; Life is just grue, forever!

Belief

If your belief is affirm, then you shouldn't be oppressed by the contrariant fingers

-Proud Muslim-

6 Year Old and lived!

Dear God,

I know it has been 6 years since I was last in touch with you. I haven't written to you as well. Things have been busy God - I'm sorry! You know how it is, I didn't know in these 6 years I'd grow so fast.

I don't know if I learned much God, but I did learn one very important lesson, "Happiness comes when everyone around you is happy".

It ends here God - so I would like to thank you for 6 wonderful years of life in this world. Every bit of it meant a lot. Doctors say I will be coming back to you in a week, which seems to be a short trip - but I'm satisfied!

Yours loving,

...

Dazzling Dame

Danish: Will you marry me?

M: Excuse me?!
Danish:

Kabhi na dekha, Kabhi na soocha

A'ey ga ek din, Hola hola

Jo dekha woh paya, Jo soocha woh aya

Haal aisa hai ab humara,

Kay aapnay na mana, Toh ho jaey ga dil,

Phir aisa waisa

Maan ja balliye, Yeh kehna humara,

Kuch ho jaey ga phir,

Humara tumhara

Manchester bloom

It was right before me
Like everything I could have asked for was booned to me
All I had to do was,
Come close and grasp everything I possibly could have
What I didn't know was that I,
No matter how much I wished,
Could have never even touched it
I felt helpless for knowing that
It's right in front of me -
But I was as helpless as a
Born child

Waiting ...

They abhor waiting, but what not fathom - They've all been waiting

We're all waiting for one thing or another; and we'll always be! So the notion to like it or dislike it, is out of question!

- Dedicated to those who hate waiting -

They

At times it's good to haplessly miss out on desirable moments!

Makes you realize how unfortunate they are

Who never alight upon such moments

.: Empathy to victims of poverty :.

Maybe!

Maybe every moment of it was meaningless,
but all of it - had a meaning.

Maybe I had to walk on such paths. Maybe,
just to tell a story; Maybe!

~In memories of year 2005~

Road

Aura of mystery swooping down the hushed lonesome road. Half step forward I could feel what was forsaken behind aversely. I was charmed, in love with the unkind night which bestowed misery upon me. Footsteps stopped without I knowing why - down on one knee I grabbed small pebbles on side-road and squeezed them to extend. Frail eyes could sense the pain and muffed to hold it anymore, without notice, they dripped the pain on the closed hand. That tear made me open my hand, and free those pebbles. It did hurt - even after all what happened bypast. I glanced back and then ahead - a mirror image of road. An unwilling but satisfying smile on my face as I stood up and started walking on road, anew. I walked on whispering to myself: It will always hurt the same way, so why worry what happened in the past; there's still road ahead of you!

Timeless Moment is ...

A moment that happened, but didn't ever exist

Timeless Moment

In a chirpy tone I said 'bye' and hung up. Then I took a deep breath to calm my nerves down. Laying straight on my bed I looked up towards the ceiling with a confused smile. I closed my eyes hard for about two seconds and when I opened them, there was a blurry vision as I noticed a hint of watery eyes. That nine feet gap till the ceiling seemed lesser and lesser. I felt suffocated while at the same time mixed emotions were going through my mind.

I jumped off the bed and walked towards my roommates drawer in a quiet, stealthy gait. I picked up the Marlboro pack along with the lighter from the top and prepared to leave the room with my car keys checked. As I opened the door a cool breeze of dorms' hallway froze me for a second or so. I pulled out my jacket and with swift feet walked towards the parking lot.

Soon as I opened the dorms door and took the first step out in the open, a chilled aroma of air touched me ever so tenderly. It made me close my eyes and allured me to take a deep breath; I kept my eyes closed for a while as the frail air kissing my face. I snuffed the air making my mind being in a state of narcosis, as of being drugged by the sweetness of nature and as if knowing how to breathe again; and as if ...

I opened my eyes and said to myself without a voice, 'I can breathe again'. The night was so calm and quiet - I could hear my footsteps as I walked towards my car. The chilled breeze was chanting in the air and a slight blow of wind made the empty tin-can roll around creating a creaky sound. I was standing next to my car when I noticed those thoughts getting to me. I hurried and drove off to the East.

Once on the highway I turned my mp3 system and it played the first track 'Addat'. I don't know when, but soon the flashback was playing like a black & white movie. Maybe because it all happened in the car, just the two of us, she was driving, when:

Izza: I'm leaving on 8th for Lahore - getting married.

(Me) Danish: What?

It was one of those 'Whats' you didn't know how to react at. But I knew it was coming; she knew him for 10 years and they had commitments. He was making big money, and even Izza was an earning girl. They were made for each other; while I ... I was strolling around with raw feet. Uncertain future, ambition still to be accomplished - I cussed my life never to have given me a chance to say her; to say her what I can give her in life. I guess I was always late, without will. She was almost two years elder to me; and maybe that's where I lost her - the moment even before I knew her.

Izza: Come on! you knew it.

Danish: Yeah, but ... don't you think it all happened a bit too fast?

Izza: Well, I always knew that I'm gonna marry him. Its just the time, and we both think it's the right time. He thinks ...

She kept going and I kept looking straight at the road lost in my own thoughts - I could hear something inside of me yelping; "You lost Danish, you lost - you're a punk. You're out of the picture Dani ..."

I was never in the picture, and I lost a game which I never played - I was just the 12th man.

Her talking and my thoughts were interrupted when her mobile rang; It was tangled up with her key chain.

Izza: Dani, theek kardo na

I pressed the talk button on her mobile and held it next to her ear; she kept talking, and kept driving, while I ... I kept being the 12th man holding her mobile and trying to get it untangled.

'Love' is not the word you'll find in my dictionary. I think its a word that's a ridicule of your inner feelings. But as I was being a 12th man and trying to untangle the key chain - I felt like taking a glimpse at her! Till this day I can't recall what actually happened after that - It was a pause for eternity. I was in a Timeless world, a world that lasted forever. I remember writing about this moment, when I wrote: Forever and Ever

It was not love though; it was an unexplainable feeling, a desire that I knew could have never been mine. As if being so close to it, but in the end not having it.

When we got out of the car I started walking without waiting for her, a lost walk. Then ...

Izza: Dani ... Thanks!

I turned to her and smiled. It was not just a thanks - It was as if she felt like hugging me tight and saying thanks for all those countless times we spent together, those times we stuck to one another. But she couldn't and I knew it too. That day we were both helpless. We were just ... complete strangers!

The flashback vanished like a splash of water and I applied the brakes on as I got off the highway. I lost track of time and forgot to smoke; so I pulled off to the closest coffee shop. You could always count on Tim Horton's double-double coffee!

Parked my car and got out; eyes inquiring the scene but everything seemed alienated and the voice in my head: "Where am I?" I went inside and noticed it was fairly empty though there were still two people ahead of me, to order.

I waited, meantime, I took a cigarette out of the Marlboro pack and started tapping it on the pack. There were three people sitting; one was a middle-aged, well-dressed suited man who was lost in papers around him. The other two, a couple sitting together having a heated discussion. Both roughly around 20 years of age. I kept my eyes on the interesting drama; she was about to cry while the dude kept on accusing. He finally stood up, picked up his coffee and left in a fierce tone. She yelled at him;

Girl: That was my coffee, you ...

He left, and without completing her sentence she rested her elbows on the table while held her head in anguish. She was frustrated!

I got my turn and ordered a medium double-double. The lady asked me if 'that'll be all' and then I took a quick glimpse at the girl.

Danish: Make it two double-double please; and that'll be all.

In my 22 years I realized that when it comes to girls; you should always take the chance in hand. So I went for it, with soft intentions though!

"First impression is the last impression" - I don't adhere to it all the time, but I would never want to jeopardize my chances; so I tried to come up with the best line, and impression, I possibly could. I got the coffee, walked up to her and placed one on her table - she looked up, straight at me. Those green eyes, hiding behind those glasses looked so naive, confused and somewhat stunned.

Danish: I think you may need this!

She looked at the coffee and then back at me:

Girl: No, it's okay!

Danish: Hey! I already got mine, and I can't drink two, so ...

She smiled, and I returned the favor. I lifted my right hand slightly, holding the cup, as if to say 'bye' and started walking towards the door.

Girl: Hey ....

I smiled, with a grin on my face and my wicked mind going; "Yes, yes yes yes!". I turned, expressionless, as she continued.

Girl: ...why don't you join me?

I wanted to say 'yes' but words came out differently;

Danish: Aa ... No! I mean I have to smoke, so ...

Said it as if I would die without a smoke. I exposed the cigarette in my left hand and gave a "Can't help it" shrug to her. Then I turned and went outside.

Timmy's staircase was wide, so I picked a corner, leaned against the wall and went lost! I sat like a boozed up homeless freak, legs stretched, coffee in right hand and cigarette in left, pinned between the index finger and thumb. I was hoping that the girl would come out soon - but soon everything vanished inside of me.

I kept staring at the cars passing; red light, green light, red light, green light - they stopped and they drove off. I kept taking a sup and a puff until I was out of both.

I got hold of myself, leaned forward, sat properly with legs close, and gazed at Timmy's front door on my left. I didn't want to leave. I took another cigarette out and placed it between my lips. I held the lighter in my right hand and started playing with it; light, no light, light, no light.

While I was busy playing with the light, I heard footsteps approaching towards me; I didn't dare looking. They stopped:

Girl: Hiiiiiiiii

I looked at my left, it was her; she was hugging her chest tightly to protect herself from the chilled breeze. I gave her a friendly nod.

Girl: One for me?

I couldn't refuse and pulled one slightly out of the pack and presented to her. She came close, helped herself with the cigarette, and sat right next to me. I lit her cig first and then my own. She took a puff and said:

Girl: I was thinking you must've left, but still came on to check!

Danish: I tought of leaving, but ...

Girl: But?

When it comes to girls, one more thing that I say: If she comes to you first then always be honest; but if you go to her then always pretend to be honest. So I was honest:

Danish: But I thought I'll wait a little longer for ...

Girl: For?

Danish: For you!

Girl: Are you flirting with me?

I looked at her,

Danish: Am I?

Girl: Yes!

So I was. I didn't know what to say and started looking straight at the road again. She kept staring at me - I could notice; but I didn't bother looking back. She observed me and said ...

Girl: Why do you keep staring at the road?

Danish: It gives me peace.

She laughed ...

Girl: Okayyyyyy! You sound like you're from a different planet.

I looked at her, straight in those green eyes. She knew where I was looking; she came close, looked from top of her glasses and in a humorous way popped her eyes out. As so that I can see them clearly. I gave that mischievous smile and kept staring; then the shyness came and she looked away.

She was gorgeous. She had those shoulder height, slight curly, shiny two-colored blonde hair. They were neatly pulled up, with a headband exposing her forehead. While the trendy thick framed glasses kept those mystic eyes hidden. In the dim shades of light, she looked even more ravishing, especially with that exquisite smile of her.

I looked straight again and said:

Danish: That guy was pissed!

Girl: O Kevin, he's a jerk ... I broke up with him - so now he just bothers me.

She carried on ...

Girl: We use to study here back in high-school. We as in my girls and I. They went out to different college; so now it's just me. I come here daily - good memories.

We carried on talking for another 5 - 10 minutes till my mobile rang. It was my roommate; I told him 'I'll be there'

Girl: So I guess you'll be leaving?

Danish: I guess.

We both stood up and hugged to say 'bye'. She stood there while I started walking towards my car. When I got to the car I looked back at her; she was smiling and then with a curious look on her face she asked:

Girl: Hey ... what's your name?

I promptly replied ...

Danish: They don't have names at my planet.

She pointed at me with an 'I'll getcha' expression ....

Girl: Youuuuu ... and they have mobile at your planet?

Danish: Technology is everywhere woman, and plus, some names are better untold?

Girl: Well, ...

I didn't. I winked at her, clipped my cap a notch up and then back down - a sweet farewell. Sat in the car and looked at her for the last time; she kept smiling and with that I drove off to the West.

Sometimes you fail to spot where to draw the line between reality and illusion. When she hugged me I realized how it felt to be at the edge of reality and illusion. Not because it was the most-precious-moment in my life, instead, it was a Timeless Moment ; and as soon as I stepped in the car and drove away - that moment ended. And - I came back to reality.

Diagnostic World ...

The world's not made for us to live, but for us to know how to live

Tomorrow

To know if there will be a tomorrow is to know if the next step you take is the right one

Atrocious Love!

"Thy love for passion; Not, thy care"

Trans: Your love is for an unconscientious passion; not for your pious care

Exist

To know the purpose of existence, is far more important than, to know the materialistic world.

Those, who not know - not exist

If it may be ...

Puddle of sand still wet

Water leak, thoughts seep

Iris still endow thy light

Eyes open, thou' sight astray

Words of hope still ensue

Silent lips, ill vie whisper

May howl due of grief?

Scarce sound, tears dry

Cave soul or ash me all?

Parch cadaver, else more!

What may ever born of me,

Sink all - for just peace

Pauthri Khaana ...

Sania - I knew her for about two months now. We met each other in Lahore at my cousins wedding. She was somehow my far-far relative, though I heard and met her for the first time. Just what everyone else says; in those two months, I got to know her so well that I thought I knew her forever. Yeah, and that is exactly how I felt about Sania. I have to admit that I started to like her. Naturally, she was a very likeable person, with an elegant personality and alluring qualities.

Everything should have been the way it was, until, we traveled together from Lahore to Rawalpindi. Yeah, and it all started from: Rawalpindi Railway Station.

Danish: Aapse kuch kahna tha!
Sania: Jee kahiye!
Danish: Woh … shaadi mai bahut maza aya, nai?
Sania: Haan woh toh hai. – Bas yahi?
Danish: Nahi … I mean, aapke saath bahut maza aya, you get along with people very well. Very few people are like that.
Sania: Thanks. - Toh aapney bas yahi kahna tha?
Danish: Nahi … I … I mean Haan … Bas yahi.

By this time, even the audience knew what I wanted to say, even she knew; but somehow I didn’t have the guts. We just stood there, waiting for our ride, until, her ride arrived. I knew this was my last chance, but I didn’t feel like saying it in front of her family. So I took the easy-way-out, which usually works; I wrote it on a scrap piece of paper, saying: “I kinda like you”. Just when she was putting her luggage in the trunk, I took my chance and gave her the note. She just took it and held it in her hand. Without even reading it she just looked straight back at me; staring me eye to eye. I felt kind of embarrassed and thought I should say something.

Danish: I wanted to say this as well, but I couldn’t. So … iss liye likh diya. I hope to hear something from you though … uh some-time.

I felt stupid, wretched and a lot more. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear her answer right then, or later, or ever and I seriously didn’t know what I was talking about; but I had to do it. She sat in the car and left. I stood there watching the car go further and further till it faded away in the traffic. Then, I did my usual act; looked straight up towards the sky, lifted my arms straight up in the air for a second, took a deep breath and looked down to kick anything kickable – and the grand finale, a headshake in disappointment. Yeah, as if I just missed a goal by an inch. Just when I thought the film ends here, I noticed, it was just intermission.

Girl: Nice.
Danish: Ji?
Girl: Yeh jo abhi appnay kiya, I heard it.
Danish: O, toh aap … sunn rahi thi. Waisay … doosaroon ki baatain sunna achi baat nahi hoti.

Girl: I know, but I could just hear it.

I was not in a mood to have a conversation. So I stood there, leaning against the wall, just ignoring everything around me, and thinking. But maybe, you don’t always get what you want.

Girl: So you like her?
Danish: Yeah, sorta! But if I keep bumping into girls like you, I may have to change my mind.

She was pretty, no doubt; and after hearing me, she laughed hysterically and went on saying:

Girl: I understand.
Danish: You do?
Girl: Ji … I do.
Danish: Nice … and smart, I like that.
Girl: Really?

Danish: Yeah, I mean, I’m a difficult person to understand. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m talking about. For someone to understand all this has to be a smart person. Don’t you think so?

This time she smiled, and said:

Girl: I know what you mean. I understand.
Danish: No you don’t ... It’s easy to say, but hard to understand.
Girl: Alright, aapki marzi!

It seemed like we were both fooling around with one another; maybe she liked it, and maybe … I did too.

Girl: So, you’re waiting for your ride?
Danish: No, I’m actually waiting for your ride!
Girl: Really, and why is that?
Danish: Well, yeh Pakistan hai madam, and for a girl like you, here, alone! Not a very good idea.
Girl: Aur appka khayal hai ke I’m safe with you?
Danish: Of course, look at me, top to bottom, Ab mujhse zayda sahreef larka aapko aur kahan milay ga?
Girl: Right!
Danish: Abhi khudi toh kah rahi thi ke ‘I know what you mean’. Aapko toh yeh bhi pata hona chahiye ke mein ab kya karnay wala hoon.
Girl: Haan, woh toh hai. Ab aap mujhe thunday ka poochain gey – it’s very hot.
Danish: O haan! Aapko kuch chahiye, thunda garam, chai coffee, anything?
Girl: Bas coke!
Danish: Anything to eat?
Girl: Nahi, shukriya!

It wouldn’t hurt to be a ladies man for once; So I looked for the closes refreshment-stand to get the necessary snacks. I thought she was being a bit formal so I bought chips for her as well. She was waiting where she had her luggage placed and when I looked in her direction I noticed her ride arrived and she was nighly leaving.

Thereupon I witted as if I’m letting something of sublime worth slip away from me; not thinking furthermore I ran back to catch up to her, to maybe just say ‘farewell’. Right when I was hustling back, at that very instant I felt as if I could just cease time for scarcely any minute. Time was running out, and I was still baffled in my thoughts of sanguineness hopes to procure a way to buy time. So I went with my first instinct and yelled out to the guy who was about to sit in the drivers seat.

Danish: Sir … ek second.
Man: Ji?
Danish: Woh actually mein yahan naya hoon Pakistan mai toh aap mujhe yahan se Westridge ka rasta bata dayn gey?
Man: Sure, go straight from the entrance of the station and then you’ll join a big road, which is Peshawar Road, right from the Peshawar Road go straight 10 minutes – like around 4 kms then on the right side, you’ll see Westridge. It’s right after crossing the racecourse.

Right then when he was explaining the directions, which I already knew, I took the time to write a short note to the girl, on which I wrote:

“thought why don’t we keep in touch
names Danish
Contact# 3007283620”

Danish: Thanks, woh actually meney soocha, yeh na ho mein Taxi mey bethoon aur Taxiwala meter barhanay ke chakkar mai mujhe sara Rawalpindi hee ghooma dey. So, I just wanted to be sure. Thanks a lot.

Man: No problem.
Danish: Oh, ek second excuse me, woh … she asked for a coke, aur yeh … chips bhi.

I gave her the coke and slipped the note along with the chips. She noticed and smiled; and I waved good-bye to everyone as if I knew them all. I had a smile that time around, and I felt alleviated. And then, it ended there; so I slapped-on my backpack and called for a taxi ... to Westridge.

Aashiya – my wife; I know her for fifty four years now. We met in Rawalpindi – at the station. All these years though, she was right about one thing; she did understand me.

‘Sometimes you just don’t realize that the first train you missed, was never intent to be yours’

Baffled

So baffled in this world that I forgot my purpose of existence

If Mirza Ghalib knew English ...

When nothing existed, God did

If nothing existed, God did

Happening made me sink

If I didn't exist, then what did?

Happy Engagement Ducks!

So close to me that I failed to realize, ...

That tasteless cup of tea,

Food - I'd think twice before eating,

Revenges, those countless fights,

Slaps, kicks, them pinches,

Break-ups, team-ups,

On his side, on her side,

Being shy at times, naughty at others,

Those 'Fahkur' jokes at night,

Them 'I hate yous', and

'You know I love yous',

Times there was no talking,

Others when there was just talking,

When they mocked at us, when,

I was the dumbest,

Soon you'd be the dumbest, and yeah,

When we were both the dumbest,

We looked like fools, but

... those were the moments!

- Dedicated to: Ducks!

Forever, and Ever ...

There are things we know that can never happen, ever

But to be close, to that, that can never happen

Makes you feel so glad, so glad that even being beside her

Makes it the most precious moment that you have ever lived

And you don't want to know, what's there beyond this

And where you stand, you see nothing ahead of you

There is no past, and when you look underneath your feet

You realize there's no Earth, nothing beneath you

As you stand nowhere - where time has stopped

For you to be beside her forever, and ever

You beseech to God, for it to end right here,

As there is nothing ahead of it, nothing - just nothing!

Based on: Deen Bandhu Instrumental (Sarkar)

Still waiting

Otso: I don't know why it always starts from a station

Popteus: What?

Otso: Just thoughts!

Tpravus: What sort of thoughts?

Otso: Everything! everything is about me and station. Sometimes I'm trying to get there, sometimes I'm in the train; and sometimes I'm just waiting for the train.

Tpravus: And where does it all end?

Otso: It never ends

Popteus: Why?

Otso: I don't know, maybe because I never got there!

Tpravus: Maybe it's just a beginning

Otso: Yeah, true! maybe ... it's just a start; and maybe I'm just waiting for the right train

Friends Request!

I remember when the whole school used to be edgy and fluttery with narrowing crunch-time-exam-days. Everyone rushing around to one another for notes, answers, suggestions, etc etc.

There I was, with bagpack clamped behind, pile of scrap notes clasped underneath my arms; and my geeky-look dodging people around in the longest, plus, the busiest hallway of campus.

Halt! in the middle of the whole tiptoe scrambling of people ... I stopped. Though I never bothered to think why I stopped, but I certainly knew where I was looking towards.

Her naive smile, as she glanced away talking to her friends; I stood there watching her. Maybe she didn't have the best hairdo in the world - but for the moment, they seemed perfect, as they seem to cover her face slightly.

Dressed all white, elegant, with a Frenchify chic high-collar shirt and flared trouser couldn't have made her look any better. Soon as she moved her hair back, she saw my eyes pondering; and frantically I looked away feigning.

Sadly, I never saw her again! Even today I wonder; what would've happened if I kept looking at her? - and sadly, I ponder beyond imagination!

Rain

It was raining outside, and coincidently I was listening to "Jab Bahar Aai To" (When it drizzles then ... ) by Shaukat Ali. Though I don't know much about rain symbolizing sadness but when I was reading "The Great Gatsby" back in High School, my teacher told me that rain connotes to doleful moments in life.

I don't know how exactly do poets inscribe rain with sadness but I grew up knowing that "its when the world cries for its sorrows". Though that's not what I deem about rain. To me - It considerably brings old memories, and even the pleasant moments bring tears to eyes. Rain ... Rain is a cordial of memories.

I stepped right where the settled water created a big splash; as I lost my concentration and looked down at my feet to see if the splash completely drenched my clothes - I saw it! Struggling to float, in need of a hard surface to step on, dry to say the least. It was paddling the legs as fast as it could have, but going nowhere. There was water, everywhere. An ocean and nowhere to go but paddle to stay alive. Rain pouring on it, making things even more rigid. I stood there, watching it struggle, seeing it hopeless, knew that it had no chance; and maybe I wasn't the only one who knew!

I knew how it felt to be there, when you are just hopeless, flatten, and forlorn of all hopes. I stepped once more, but this time, on it. I looked straight up, mouth opened, eyes stuttering, rain pouring - I wanted to stare right at Him. Then I looked down with anguish - it was dead.

I walked away wondering; If I were down there, I would've kept paddling, struggling - but I would've never drowned myself, even if I wished ... to die!

Leaving faded footsteps in snow over the morning
Galvanized mind headed towards a coffee shop, moaning
Dollar twenty-one Double-Double with - “more sugar please”
The Globe read - “Shaping opportunities making life ease”


Now I efface those footsteps so no men heeds upon thee - rather I
Time went by,
Moments crossed off,
But the rays still distort away in the arched tunnel of hope - just as I

Lyrics: Till I saw you!

There was never something
I had the greed of,
It seemed like everything
Was there…
Till I saw you!

There was nobody
In the ticket line,
I was ‘bout to leave
To see the show,
Till I saw you !

I never knew eyes could
Be so important
It seemed like everything
Was same,
Till I saw you!

I thought nobody
Could be innocent,
Mind was set to mean
That it was true,
Till I saw you

Now there is something I have the greed of,
Now I know eyes could be so important,
Now I think there’s someone who could be innocent,
And I never had these feelings
Till I saw you

I saw you
I felt you
It seemed like I owned you

But that was all I ever
Dreamed of,
And the only thing I ever
Did was,
Was that I saw you

Saw you

There was nobody
In the ticket line,
I never knew eyes could
Be so important,
I thought nobody
Could be innocent,
But that was all…
Till I saw you

The Odd Meaning

Hungry as ever, I was anxious to eat something. I always had a notion that the city of Lahore would have some worthy restaurants; and maybe Fri-Chicks was the right scene. It was more of a look-alike to McDonalds but had reasonable food and more lavishing site - in comparison.

Rushing through the stairs just waiting to get into the mood - I opened the door, and noticed her eyes looking upon me; taking a notorious approach, I looked back at her. I couldn’t resist, as the eye contact remained for scarcely any second; I suspect. My stomach awaked me where I should suppose to be - as I told my friends to find a spot to eat while I get the order.

I was in the queue waiting to order food; she was also there with a bunch of kids. While the kids seemed to know exactly what they wanted; she looked indecisive. She appeared to have an alluring personality; elegant dress-up and a charming face. Without doubt, a turn-on for me.

I felt that I should talk to her. Maybe she wanted the same. Never good at pick up lines, I knew the best way off would be to say something ordinary. ‘Maybe a comment on her dress’ - cheesy, I would never go for that line, especially if I were a girl. I seemed to be talking to myself, convincing and disheartening. I knew I would come up with something better. So finally I decided to have a go at it. Maybe it was all ludicrous, but I wanted to talk.

Time to talk - as I could see her approaching towards me. I knew this is the right moment. I looked at her; she glanced as well.

“Yes, No, …. Yes”. My Mind was bantering around with me. She came close and walked by, while I just stood there and watched the moment lapse away from me. I knew I can’t let it down now. So I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe and I turned. I walked towards her and in a gutsy way, I said,

“Excuse me”

She turned and eagerly said, “Yes?”

That’s all she had to say and my mind started to whirl around with words, anticipating to come out. Maybe it took around two seconds to reply, but felt like eternity to me.

“Nice dress”, I said it - the stupid dress line.

I felt alleviated, albeit I knew it was a trite thing to say; maybe she had the same thought. But with an ambiguous smile and surprise, she said:

“Thanks”

I kept standing there with a subdued face, looking entirely idiotic - mouth opened, but words didn't seem to come out. So she turned and started to walk in her direction.

I wanted to be a rebel especially against the odds. I knew I wasn't getting anywhere and was rather getting pettish about the whole situation. But I guess, part of me wanted the folly situation to proceed. So, I caught up again with her.

“Hey, I don’t know, but ... you're pretty”

She looked flattered, rather stunned. I made a fool out of myself; I could see it on her face too. She appeared to remain speechless, so I continued;

“I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was thinking if we can keep in touch; ah ... phone number?”

Couldn't image the last time I was so desperate to get a girls number. There was something unique about her; and I wasn’t ashamed of getting embarrassed. Maybe there are certain moments in life that cannot be explained because they don't have a meaning to it.

It was time to take it or, leave it. I knew she didn't buy the whole phone thing. So I went on,

“Look, I understand! If you don’t want it to happen, you can just turn around and pretend, nothing happened ... you know”

So she turned and never looked back, as I kept standing there, watching her go. Just like that, everything came to an end. I looked around and saw that everything was calm. Yet, all these people fare on such paths, rather - meaningless moments. I turned around to get back into the queue, even though, the hunger wasn't there anymore.

Maybe every moment of it was meaningless, but all of it - had a meaning. Maybe I had to walk on such paths. Maybe, just to tell a story; Maybe!

Perfection!

Her eyes made me kept staring

Her smile made me kept thinking

It was her affable converse

That pure and virtuous heed

Which all made her so perfect

So perfect, that I fumbled to realize;

Perfection is far beyond me, and

Even my dreams daunt towards perfection